Just a thought for the day on Community

Reading the book Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw, I came across this quote:

"There is an ancient proverb that states, 'One man is no man.'  This saying underscores our basic human need for community, which underscores our need for relationships and social life.  Not one of us could have made it without someone being there for us.  Human beings need help.  Not one of us is so strong that he does not need love, intimacy and dialogue in community."

Reading this draws me to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  NIV

I am made aware daily, in this individualistic culture, that we are in need of community...when I look around me and see all the pain and woundedness...when I look around me and see absentee parenting...when I look around me and see teens (and many adults) looking for acceptance and initiation into adulthood through sex, addictions, and gangs...when I look around me and see men who are deeply wounded by life around them...I see a need for genuine community.  Why are teens addicted to text and facebook (many adults now too)?  They are in search of that community.  Why are the bars full?  They are in search of community.

We as Christians need to be more about community and less about what our doctrine says.  Doctrine is important...tradition is important...knowing God's Word is important...but we will never be able to reach those around us without creating a loving community.

Think community, offer community, love as a community, then you will reach the lost.

Just a thought.

Transformation Observations

This article could also be titled “Why does Transformation take so long?”

I used to hear friends, preachers, and/or people who I saw as very close to God talk about transformation.  As I continued in my walk with God, I would wonder, “Am I different, have I been transformed.”  As I was going through this questioning, I realized I need to be paying more attention to what transformation meant and how it applies to me.  Therefore, I had to have some sort of definition to work from.  A dear friend who ministers in the area of transformation defines it this way:  “Transformation happens when God’s love meets my undefended vulnerability.”  Some define it as a regeneration of sorts.  Many look at transformation as a change in how you think, feel, and do things…doing those things from a godly point of view.  David Brenner, in Surrender to Love gives this thought:  “It is the experience (not the knowledge) of love that is transformational.  You simply cannot bask in divine love and not be affected.” 

So, why does transformation seem to take so long?  Why do I struggle with the feeling that I am not being transformed?  God has all power; He can transform me in an instant.  Why is He not doing that?

Let’s start with my motivation to be transformed.  Why do I want to be transformed?  Is my motivation to be godlier?  Is my motivation to be a better father and husband?  Is my motivation to get me to heaven?  Is my motivation to rid myself of sin?  Is my motivation to have a Christian image?  The list can go on and on.  All of these are good motivations to be transformed.  However, I believe that my motivation should be to glorify and draw closer to God.  Like so many other things in my life, I try to improve myself for the wrong or other motivations.  My motivation to be transformed in any part of my life should be to the glory of God.  If it is not, it is likely to not stick.  Like I said before, those other motivations are good and many times noble, but they are connected to things that are fleeting and mortal.  If my motivation is tied to glorifying God…It is tied to something eternal…something that lasts and has a strong support system.  Furthermore, I try to transform myself, by my own power.  I may set out to be a more patient man.  I can keep it up for a while, but eventually I am going to crumble somewhere and not be patient.  I do not have the strength alone to keep my patience in this world.  I have to draw on the power of God.  My motivation must rely on a higher power than just me.

Many times I ask, “Why is God not transforming me in an instant?  God can do what He wants when He wants.”  It’s not a question of whether He can, or if He will.  God is capable of anything.  Because He is capable of anything, He transforms me in His time.  This is very difficult to comprehend for me at times.  This concept relates heavily to my last article:  A Societal Dilemma.  In that article I talked about a microwave philosophy vs. a crock pot philosophy.  I want microwave transformation, God uses a crock pot.  I want to see and feel it happen right now.  At times, I even feel a sudden rush of transformation.  So many of us have felt that power of the Holy Spirit move us quite a distance in a short period.  We are moved by a sermon, or experience something on a retreat, and/or through a study and we feel that transformation happening.  However, it does not seem to last, at least it does not feel that way.  Part of this is our microwave solution.  Those experiences are transforming, but they are only the beginning of the journey that the transformation God is doing in our lives, in my life.  The experience is the initial boiling of the water in the crock pot.  Now, God has turned it down to simmer that really makes the ingredients blend for the final, tasty dish He has created.  The problem for me is that during the “simmer” I may not be seeing or feeling the change that is happening in me.  I have found after those “mountain top” type experiences, I need follow-up to keep the transformation on track.  It’s like adding salt occasionally to keep the taste working.  Even the follow-up does not always allow me to see where I am as opposed to where I was.  And, many times the follow-up is painful and uncomfortable.  That does not mean God is not working.  In fact, it means HE IS working.  He is changing me from what I was to what I am or am going to be.  But, what about repeating the same sin?  How am I transformed when I continue in the sin I have been washed of? 

I buy in to two things about that.  One, Satan is a liar.  He whispers in my ear “you keep repeating your sin, you cannot be forgiven; God will give up on you and throw you away.”  Recently in our men’s group, we were doing an exercise on shame.  During that exercise the passage about the woman caught in adultery and brought to Jesus was used.  Now, what is significant about this passage is who the condemners are; they are not Jesus, they are the Pharisees, the ones who have bought Satan’s lies.  In fact as I read through the Bible, God may give consequences to His people, but He does not condemn.  Satan is called the accuser in Revelation.  Our condemnation about our sin comes from Satan, not God.  Now, God is holy and in Him is no sin, but He is constantly working on our hearts to redeem us from that sin.  Guilt we feel for violating God’s commands are only to draw us to Him.  Guilt that cripples us is from the evil one.

The second thought about my sin and my transformation is said best by James Bryan Smith in his book The Good and Beautiful God.  Beginning on page 156 he says:

“…even though we have become new people spiritually, we still live our lives in our old self’s body, which contains the remnants of sin.  We still have our old narratives, our old memories and our old habits.  We still live in a world that stands diametrically opposed to the truth of God.  This why we still struggle with sin even after we’re regenerated.”

“The battle between flesh and Spirit does not end when we come up from the waters of baptism—in fact, that is precisely when it begins.”

This is a key to my transformation.  I need not focus on what I was. I need to focus on what I have become and where I am going.  I do not need to listen to the liar, but the Redeemer.

I ask myself, “What are some ways I can see my transformation in action when it seems to me it is not happening?”  First, and obvious, remembering those “mountain top” experiences that God placed in my path.  God uncovers a part of me and pours in His grace.  I warn you, some of these experiences are not always pleasant…that does not mean God is not working.  As I reflect back on those, those were turns or new paths in my journey that God has revealed.

Second, the follow-up to those experiences helps me to dig deeper into what God has uncovered.  If I do not follow-up, I am likely to let what could be a transformational experience die away. Or, God re-kindles it with a similar experience.

Third, (and this one is risky because it takes me out of my comfort zone) I check in with people who know me well.  I ask them about changes they have seen in me. Also, along those lines, listen to people who I am around regularly and pick up on whether or not I am a changed person in a certain arena.

Fourth, I practice journaling and silence.  Now, I am not some great and/or consistent journal writer…I journal in spurts.  However, I have written things in the past in some sort of fashion and I run across these writings occasionally (And I believe this is not by accident, God is revealing a piece of my transformation) and find that I have come some distance in my journey.  Times of silence and reflection show me where I have come.

Finally, I look at my context.  Where is my faith right now?  Am I making an impact?  What am I doing with God?  As I look at those things, I see some distance and growth in my journey.  I see where I am partnering with God in His work.  I have to stop and do this occasionally because I tend to look past where I am with Him in order to look for something “bigger” to do.

In retrospect, as I ponder on the questions at the beginning of this article, I realize that God gives me glimpses into my own transformation.  Even the writing on this blog is a transformational experience for me.  If you would have asked me several years ago if I thought I would be a blogger, I would have told you, “You’re nuts!”  It is only by God’s nudging and redemption that I am where I am right now.  However, my journey still continues.

A SOCIETAL DILEMMA

As I write this entry, I realize that this may be more of a rant than a rambling.  I’m not sure where I heard this, maybe Dave Ramsey.  It is the concept of microwave vs. crock pot.  I live in a microwave society when many of my life situations require a crock pot.

Let me see if I can explain.  When I was younger (college age and young professional) I was in such a hurry to get to my destination of being settled, married, wealthy and I wanted it all right then.  I did not want to go through the pain, struggle, and rigors of life to reach a point of “comfort” (this comfort in and of itself is really just male passivity, a topic for another time).  What is interesting is that I experienced this feeling during the infancy of cable television, CNN, 24 hour stores, etc.  And I certainly was going through this before cell phones, texting, internet, and other forms of instant access.  Needless to say, at least when I was young, patience was not one of my virtues.   Now, add in all those instant access features of today and imagine what my patience is like now.  However, now that I look back, I may not want to repeat the last 20 years or so, but I surely do not want to replace them.  At that young age I used to ask God for wisdom because I admired that in Solomon.  I now realize, especially after reading through Ecclesiastes a few times, be careful for what I ask for.  With wisdom comes many trials and struggles to gain it.  And, really, knowing what I know now has not stopped me from having a microwave mentality.  Now I want my retirement to be set up now, no waiting, now.  Will I ever learn?   I can go further and relate it to my spiritual life.  I see men doing great things in the kingdom and think to myself, “when am I going to be used for something big like that?

Over the last few years I have realized, as I read over a lot of the stories of the Old Testament heroes, how much time God spent preparing them for the big things He had in store for them.   When I look at the lives of Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Joshua, Elijah, just to name a few, I see how many years passed for them before God used them for the stories that I read.  When I read their stories, it may take me minutes to an hour or so to read each story.  What I read is just a snapshot of their lives.  I do not get to see the daily “grind” they went through.  And when I look at the genealogies (wow, those boring things do come in handy) I see the many years that pass before God’s promises come true. I mean, Abraham was 100 when he got the son He was promised.  Jacob waited years for his calling.  Moses was 80 when he came back to lead Israel out of slavery…in fact, Moses was 40 years tending sheep before he went back.  The stories go on and on.  Henry Blackaby in his study Experiencing God, Talks about how God uses many little situations for me to do His work to prepare me for something big He may have for me.  Furthermore, God may never use me for something big (or what I perceive as big).   I may very well be just one of the many “nameless” of God’s people just doing His work on a daily basis (I know I am not nameless to Him).  Either way, I am in the crock pot being prepared, if for nothing else, eternity with God.

So, what is my rant?  I have become increasingly aware of our microwave society as of late.  Let me start with a personal example and move outward from there.  When I took over my first Varsity team (boys basketball), I had aspirations of winning a State Championship, right away!  Now, any successful coach should believe he/she could be competing at that level.  Otherwise, he/she may never be successful.  But, I knew it was going to happen.  I perceived I was the one who could do it and I had a great team.  It did not happen.  Even in the years following, I had some of the best teams our school had fielded, and still no State Championship.  It would leave me asking God, “what in the world?”   It was years later , in another sport (Girls Softball) that not only was I able to coach a State Championship team, I was fortunate to coach for 6 of them.  Now, I do not know if God really cares about the championships that much except that He is interested in what I am interested in (like a father is in his son), but I know He had a hand in my training as a coach.  He was essentially saying to me, “Not yet, I have more to teach you about coaching, it’s not just about winning.”  I was in the crock pot expecting a microwave result.

Now, as I watch our current society, I see the microwave in action.  I watch as our college-age and young professionals want what their parents have now, not seeing that it took years for their parents to get to the point they are now.  The parents have been (and are still) in the crock pot.  That young generation wants the microwave.  In fact, many of my generation were fooled by the microwave, wanted what our parents have, and now are in deep debt trying to get to that point.  If we are not careful, this younger generation will be in deep trouble buying into the microwave philosophy.  I am watching our high school athlete’s fall into this trap.  These athletes will work hard for a short stretch, because coach told them hard work equals wins, and then are dumbfounded when wins don’t come quickly…fooled by the microwave.  What is difficult to watch is…many of them give up before it can get better.  They have never experienced the full flavor of the crock pot.   The stories and examples can go on and on. 

So, what is the answer to this societal plight?  Unfortunately, I do not have one.  I struggle with an answer to give.  Right now, in my crock pot, I am good at seeing and identifying the problem.  But, for some reason, I am struggling with any wisdom to impart for an answer.  Maybe I need to stew some more before I impart any wisdom on the subject.  One thing I do know…as I look back on my impatience, I see where God has brought me to and from.  I see now the slow cooking and added ingredients that I could not see when I was thrown into the pot.  Another view came from a friend I was visiting with just today.  I was sharing some of my thoughts on this article and he said, “Man is the microwave, God is the crock pot.”  Well said my friend…and I told him I would quote this.  Yeah, when I do not wait on God, I am essentially using the microwave.  And, I tend to use the microwave a lot.  That scares me at times, because Saul didn’t wait on the Lord and he lost his kingdom over it.  It relates to another friend’s quote I hear often, “God doesn’t always work quickly, but He will work suddenly.”  In prayers I ask and ask and an answer just does not come in the microwave fashion I desire.  Then, all of a sudden the answer is there, many times after I have quit praying over the situation.  God uses the crock pot.  He wants it to be ready correctly, He wants the right ingredients, and He certainly knows the right amount of time it takes to cook.

Like I said early on this may be more of a rant than a rambling.  Then again, maybe it’s a rambling rant.  One thing is for sure, I would love to hear your thoughts on what you think may be some solutions to the societal dilemma between the microwave and the crock pot.  Give me some feedback.

Peace

Why the title, "Random Ramblings"?

In some small and weak effort I will try and explain why I chose this as my blog space title:

“Pay attention to random thoughts.”  A friend and mentor Tod Brown says that phrase often in an exercise we do in a men’s group with which I am involved.  The idea is that when in silence and paying attention to the Lord and what He might have to say…pay attention to random thoughts, He may be speaking through those thoughts.  I have found that to be true many times both during that exercise and in other places of my life. 

The title of this blog space is “Random Ramblings.”  And as one of my friends pointed out…what I write is not necessarily random but from what God has put on my heart…what I write still stems from what I perceive as random.  Part of my motivation to blog was to put in writing things that were on my heart for periods of time longer than a passing thought.  I would have these mini-sermons, so to speak, in my head and on my heart for days at a time.  Eventually they would fade and I would remember them no more.  Therefore, I have attempted to put these thoughts and themes in writing.  At least they would be out there to access again and to receive feedback from others to see if what I had written was from God. 

So, in one way, my friend is right.  These are not truly random if they are from God.  And, in another way, they are random, at least to me.  Sometimes what we consider random is not random to God at all.  Case in point:  Many times in my life I have had thoughts and memories about a friend I have not seen in a long time.  Within a few days, that friend contacts me or I run into him or her.  Was God preparing my heart to see that individual?  I think so. 

I see in my life many times where God works in themes (that is how I describe it).  For me, it works like this:  There will be a particular life situation that is either re-occurring or has come up different from the direction I am going.  Then I notice that a sermon or a passage I am studying matches my life situation.  I will also run into friends who are sharing similar experiences.  Songs I hear match where I am, and so on.  Sometimes I use these themes as devotional or chapel thoughts at my school. 

So…why the title:  “Random Ramblings?”  These themes in my life seem to be random.  I realize down in my heart that it is God working on me and using me for His purposes.  To me at times, it seems so random.  I do not want to lose what I have experienced…therefore I am trying to blog those themes in my life to keep record of where God has brought me. 

I want to speak back to the paying attention to random thoughts.  Many of the random thoughts I experience are from God and I see Him reveal Himself to me as things unfold in my life.  However, if I do not spend enough time listening or paying attention to these thoughts, I miss what God is revealing to me.  I am so addicted to noise that I need a time set aside just to practice the discipline of silence.  Furthermore, if I do not pay attention to these random thoughts, I may miss that they are a manifestation of selfishness or some other sin suggested by the evil one.  One thing I cannot discount is the schemes by the evil one.

Finally, what I would say is, “pay attention.”  Pay attention to random thoughts.  Pay attention to little things around you.  Be self-aware.  God may be speaking to you in ways you may have never realized.  He has to me…Hence the title:  “Random Ramblings.”

Peace

Books, studies, sermons, and/or other avenues

It has been quite some time since I have blogged last.  I am not sure if it is because I was in leveled off spot in my walk with God, was too busy, did not feel the creative juices flowing, or something else.  Whatever the reason, it’s been a while.   So, here goes:

I was reflecting on where I have come over the past few years as a Christian.  Something that has stood out to me is how I approach books, studies, sermons, and other methods of learning.  In the past, as I came upon something, among these forms of media, that I would disagree with fundamentally or theologically I would either stop where I was and throw the whole medium out or just “check out mentally”.

Fortunately, God has matured my discernment to the point of being able to pick out the truths (or at least what I perceive to be the truths) that are being presented.  So many times in the past I would hear or read something that I believed went against biblical truth and would completely disregard the whole message.  It is now that I realize that many times God has something relating to where I am hidden (so to speak) in that message.  I have had a good friend say many times, “truth is truth, no matter where you find it.”  A great example of this is the law of gravity.  Nowhere in the bible does it talk about the revolutions of the earth creating gravity that hold us to the map.  However, it is a truth.  God gave us the bible as a guide for living and discovering Him and most of all to know His Son Jesus and the redemption that comes with His sacrifice.  And, the bible is where we go to validate what we have heard.  It is one of the many ways God speaks to us, but not the only way.

One way that has helped me with discerning messages and still hearing from God has been a study I have done several times.  The study is Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby.  In this study, Blackaby teaches ways you hear from God, how to look for where He is working, and how to know it is God who is speaking.  His main point is for us to verify what we have heard through the bible, prayer, circumstances, the church, and other people. 

Another way that has helped me has been when the message I am hearing is seemingly repeated in several different ways in a short span of time. The same friend who talked about truth also believes that if it is from God, it “sticks” in some way.  I have found that to be true on several occasions.  The same “theme” as I call it keeps coming up and it matches the situation I am in.  Usually, when this is occurring, a common phrase I use is, “God works in themes.”

Now, one thing I do note is this:  When God is speaking or working, it is not always pleasant.  Somewhere in my life I picked up this notion that when God works I will get this euphoric feeling of some sort.  As you read through the stories of God speaking to men in the bible, you see that what He has planned for them is not always pleasant.  In fact, many times it is very hard, so that God may be glorified.

So, back to the point I wanted to make.  During those years that I would “throw out the baby with the bath water”… I believe that I missed out on some great messages and teachings from God.  As I have stayed with a study or a sermon or a book, I have found places where God has spoken directly to my situation.  One of the reasons that I can understand this now is because of my own messages that I have delivered in the past.  When I was in a situation to teach something about God or give some wisdom relating to His kingdom, I have found that most of what I was presenting was from God.  However, there is (for me) always that little part where I interject my own wisdom, my own thought.  Sometimes, this little bit of me may be contradictory to what God had in mind.  My hope would be that the listener would hold on to the part from God that “sticks” and throw out my wisdom without throwing out the whole message.

I have also found that God is speaking directly to something that I need to change in my life and I just don’t want to.  Kind of like when Jonah did not want to preach to Nineveh and ran the opposite way.  I have found, like Jonah, that God will get His message across one way or another.  His purpose will be accomplished. 

So, my challenge to the readership of this article would be this:  As you begin a book, a study, listen to a sermon, etc., listen for where God is speaking and applying His knowledge.  Fight through the resistance to the whole message and find that message that God is speaking.  You will find it has a purpose for where you are at that point in your life, or even something He has planned for your future.

Why did I go?

Why did I go on the Crucible Men’s Weekend (formerly known as the Dare to Soar Weekend)?  It all really began when a group of us dads were planning a study and special weekend for our thirteen-year-old sons.  One of the ministers at our church was leading us as a group in a discussion and planning session for this event for our sons.  We were to meet weekly as a group with our boys and go through a study by Robert Lewis on Becoming a Man, based out of his Raising a Modern Day Knight materials.  At the end of the series, we were going to take our boys out of school on a Friday and travel to a ranch where the boys would go through a series of events culminating with a sword presentation and blessing for each boy.  All of this was an initiation process, one that is lacking in our society today.  There are more details to the study and weekend, but that is not the point of this article. 

As we were planning this whole experience for our boys, a fire was lit in several of us.  Many of the men in the group voiced “I wish my dad had done this for me”, or “I wish I was getting a sword”.  The Minister who was leading us informed us that there was a Men’s weekend that was spiritually, physically, and emotionally challenging. He explained that he would give us more information at a future point.  He even said that he was working on bringing this weekend to Texas.  At that point…I was in!  At the time, I was thinking “what a ministry opportunity to be involved with.”  Little did I know…

In August of that same year, an opportunity arose to go to Chicago for a Dare to Soar weekend.  Several men from our church were planning on going.  The timing could not have been any worse for me.  We were not financially where I could go and the weekend fell just before the first day of school and the arrival back into town would not occur until mid-day of the first day of school.  As Principal, that was not an option for me.  I was filled with jealousy and grief.  And, as the men returned and shared what they could about their weekend, I grew more and more sad that I had not gone at that time.  The following January, leaders from Chicago, combined with the men who had gone in August held the first Texas weekend.  Again, I was out because of coaching responsibilities.  It felt, as if the time and opportunity was slipping away for me.  This was something I wanted to be a part of.  Little did I know…

Now comes October of that year.  My time has come.  I have signed up for the weekend.  It was one of if not the most impactful experience (next to marrying my wife and having my children) on my life since I have been a Christian.  I described it this way when I got home:  “I have experienced God in many ways in my 25+ years of being a Christian, but never like this.”  Now, this weekend could have been just another “mountain top” experience.  I decided, NOT THIS TIME!  What I experienced, I was going to apply.  There are optional follow up groups for these weekends.  Optional was not for me.  I made sure I was in a group and have gone and had training in order to lead a group.  I have been co-leading for 11 months now.  I have also staffed 3 weekends and about to staff a 4^th in January. 

So what was it about this weekend that has me hooked?  There are multiple answers to that question.  I think first, the weekend actually began a journey for me.  I started a new journey…down a new road.  I’ve heard it said, you cannot keep taking the same road and expect to get to a different destination. Before my weekend, I was stuck in my Christian walk.  I was doing all the right “church” things, acting the right “church” way.  I was in prayer, reading the Bible, teaching Bible classes, working in a Christian school, doing the occasional deep Bible study, co-leading a Life Group, etc.  Yet, I was feeling like I was spinning my wheels.  I had a critical spirit.  I was angry…a lot!  I was in church, doing church work and saying church things but was feeling distant from God.  I thought to myself, “I just need to try harder, work harder and better at my spiritual disciplines…’those who wait upon the Lord…’ this will get better.”  I was depressed. I was taking the same old road.  I needed a change. The weekend began my journey down a new road.

Second, and related to the new road, I was allowed to go to my broken places and God met me there.  I was able to find the compassion I had lost in my critical spirit.  I was able to touch my anger.  I was able to take all the things I had been struggling with and put them out in front of me and let God touch the sores and heal me.  I have never felt grace like I did on my initial weekend.  The good news is…I continue to see, feel, and understand better that grace. 

Third, I was able to see that I am not alone with what I feel.  Every weekend I am a part of, I identify with several of the men there.  Satan had done a number on me, like he does so many.  He made me feel like I am alone in my darkness.  I have posed for this image of being a good Christian man for so long that I thought I was alone with my hidden parts.  I experienced life with other posers feeling the same way.

Fourth, I re-experienced my hidden goodness.  I had hidden the good parts of my character not believing they were real.  I was so focused on my sin and shame that I believed there could be no good in me.  This weekend showed me blessing, tenderness, love, and goodness that I had not touched in years.

Fifth, I reconnected with men and masculinity.  I have been one for years who has not trusted men.  Oh, I could hang with them, talk the language, put on the bravado and act like them.  The weekend gave me a deeper relationship (that I needed) with other men.  There are certain parts of masculinity that can only be understood by other men.

All of this made me feel more whole as a man.  It has allowed me more patience. It has allowed me more proper avenues for my anger.  It has given me more compassion for others.  I understand better where others are coming from.  I keep those dark parts of me in view so that God can heal me.  I have looked at the plank or log in my own eye and can see more clearly.  I have learned to own the parts of me that are out of integrity and find ways to regain that integrity.

Now, I am not saying I am perfect or whole.  We live in a fallen and broken world.  I am a fallen and broken creature.  However, I no longer deny it.  Furthermore, I no longer let it weigh me down like it once did.  I have my bad days.  I still go to the wrong places in my heart and relationships for validation as a man.  The good part is, I recognize it a lot faster and have some tools to counter it.  I have group of men I can check-in with to keep me on my new road.  These men allow me to live a life of authenticity, not as a poser.  Do you know how freeing that is?!

The best part, I have learned to see Jesus in a new light.  I am more able pay attention to where God is working and how He is trying to get my attention.  His Word has more in depth meaning and is even more applicable to my everyday life.  I could go on and on.

If I were to ask each man who has been on a weekend and is still continuing his journey to write an essay, you would hear different but similar aspects of the weekend that impacted them.  Each man does his own work on a weekend, but God’s grace remains the same.

Some will read this and say, “That’s great, I’m glad it had an impact on your life.”  And, that is fine.  Some will read this and it will light a fire or strike a chord in their heart and they will say, “Where do I sign up?”  For some, it will touch you somewhere but now is not your time.  One thing I have discovered, a man will go when God has him ready to go.  I am also well aware that a weekend like this is not for everyone.  One thing I will not do is make judgment against anyone for not choosing to go.   I just felt compelled to attempt to put into writing what this weekend has done for me and for those I have experienced it power with.

God bless you all and thank you for taking time to read this blog entry.

Warrior Training

WARRIOR TRAINING

Oh how I wish I could say that this is my wisdom but, I cannot get my mind off of this section from John Eldredge’s  book The Way of the Wild Heart on Warrior Training from the chapter “Raising the Warrior” (starting on pg. 168).  It is lengthy, but well worth the read.

I watch with such longing those warrior training scenes I mentioned earlier (from movies)—Godfrey and Balian, Morpheus and Neo, Tocoa.  For years I yearned for someone to take me on as their apprentice in the way of the Warrior.  As I thought about this chapter—and our fatherlessness and our predicament—I wondered, How does God bring that to a man, when there is no sort of training for spiritual warriors like this? Then it felt as though the Holy Spirit was gently but firmly directing my thoughts to my own life.  As I thought back over the past twenty years, I saw that nearly everything I’ve learned as a Warrior, I’ve learned on the field of battle, in the school of reality, the classroom of my life.  I realized the answer to the question:  “How does God raise the Warrior in a man?”

Hardship.

Something in you knows it’s true.  I think this is where we have most misinterpreted what God is up to in our lives.  As long as we are committed to the path of least resistance, to making our lives comfortable, trial and tribulation will feel unkind.  But, if we are looking for a dojo in which to train as a Warrior, well then—this is the real deal.  What better means than hardship?  What a better way to train a Warrior than by putting a man in situation after situation where he must fight?

I was on an overseas trip a few months ago, scouting the readiness of a country for a mission we had in mind.  As I drove with my colleagues to the airport, we asked Jesus for any advance words he might have for us (a very wise thing to do before going into battle).  Give way to nothing.  I had no idea what was about to happen, but in retrospect I understand why he said to nothing, rather than to certain things in particular, because it felt like I was hit with everything but the kitchen sink.  Our hosts were good men, but driven, neither Cowboys nor Warriors, in many ways still trying to implement the business model to Christianity.  The enemy whispers, You know more than they do, and the pull to make a subtle, arrogant agreement set in, which would have ruined our relationship.  Dismiss them, he says.  No, I reply.  No arrogance.  Five minutes later it turned to , They are dismissing you.

We walked into a hotel and the receptionist looked up. “May I help you?”  She was the mirror image of a girl I dated in high school, before I’d become a Christian.  The enemy was there in a moment, using an old wound to try to usher in seduction.  Remember?  You can have that again.  First pride and now lust—how men have fallen here? “No, thank you,” I said to her.  “We’re just here for a meeting.”  One of our colleagues ended up failing to meet us there.  Judgment gives it a try:  What a jerk.  Resentment steps in:  He’s always failing you.   My father wound was abandonment, and the enemy knows that, and tries to make me feel as though my friend—and everyone else—has abandoned me.  I won’t go with that, then it’s worry  and self-reproach:  Maybe something’s wrong.  Maybe you said something that hurt him.

Someone makes a comment about the difficulty of putting on the conferences we’d planned there, and fear rushes in.  What if this doesn’t work?  There’s no guarantee, you know.  This isn’t going to work.   I fight off fear.  Ten minutes later it’s not failure, but success.  You could make a lot of money off this, you know.  It was true, we could, but that’s not why we’d come.  “Let’s cut the rate we’re charging,” I said, “Let more guys in.”  The team looked a little puzzled, and self-doubt is there:  You idiot.  You shouldn’t have said that.  I swear to you all of this took place in the first hour and a half after landing.  We had three more days to go.

In the hotel room that night, I dream of the girl in high school, wake in the dark, disoriented, in some other country in the middle of the night in a sweat, and have to pray for an hour to get back to sleep.  Resignation, which so often accompanies weariness, followed.  This isn’t worth it.  “Yes, it is,” I say aloud in my room at 3:00 a.m.  More prayer.  The following morning, I am irritated at our hosts, who locked the keys in the rental car.  Idiots.  Dismiss them.  Get irritated at them.  This went on and on, nonstop, for days.  The waitress is beautiful, and the seduction tries again.  I refuse, and then comes, the reason you don’t want her is because you’re gay.  Okay, now they’ve even thrown in the kitchen sink.  Thank God I’ve seen enough fights to recognize it for what it was, and I hung on, giving way to nothing.   It felt like hanging on to the branch over a cliff.  Praying constantly—in the elevator, the car, the bathroom—being gracious to people who continued to make mistakes, fighting all this internally.

I could tell you a hundred stories like that.  From a single year.

You will be tested.  Like Jesus’ desert trial, the enemy comes, probing the perimeter.  He knows your story, knows where the weak spots are.  But this is our training.  This is the spiritual equivalent of, “Take a high guard, like this.  Strike from high.  Like this.  Do it.  Blade straighter.  Leg back.  Bend your knees.  Sword straighter.  Defend yourself.”  This is how we develop a resolute heart.  We make no agreements with whatever the temptation or accusation is.  We repent the moment we do stumble, repent quickly, so that we don’t get hammered.  We pray for strength from the Spirit of God in us.  We directly—and this is the one thing so many men fail to do—we directly resist the enemy, out loud, as Jesus did in the desert.  We quote scripture against him.  We command him to flee.

By the time it’s over, you’ll wish a few angels would drop in and minister to you as well.  I pray they do.

Men and Integrity

Men and Integrity

It has been on my heart for the last few weeks about this thing called integrity.  I need to start out here with my working definition of integrity:  Integrity is a state of being honest, keeping your word, and staying within the bounds of your character and morality.  There is more to it than this, but we can start there.

The thing that has stood out to me the most lately has been when I am out of integrity.  I notice that when I am out of integrity I tend to cast or transfer the recognition of that fact onto the person who is pointing it out to me.  This person may not even point it out directly…he/she may just be in integrity themselves and my own guilt and shame point out to me that I am not in integrity.  Out of that guilt and shame, I do not want to be “called out” about where I am.  I will use many manipulative techniques to “get them off my back.”  I use anger, condescending remarks, avoidance, etc.

This really came to light for me a few days ago when dealing with a student.  I will attempt to make a long story short.  He was brought to me by a teacher because he had not put forth his best effort and she “called him” on it.  He proceeded to be condescending, rude, and hateful to the teacher.  As I talked with him, I helped him realize that he had not given his best effort and that the teacher was essentially the mouthpiece of God calling him back into integrity.  I helped him understand that when we are out of integrity, we tend to manipulate the person who “called” us on it by making them feel inferior or at fault for correcting us. 

Now, this blog article is not about the story of the student or how I had one success out of ten tries in a discipline situation.  One of the things I have realized is that I have done this many times in my life, especially growing up. I would be out of integrity with my mother in some form or fashion and would use anger (in most cases) to get her to leave me alone.  I did not want to be told I was out of integrity (obviously, she did not use that wording, but that is what the core issue was). 

I have been involved with the Crucible Project (a men’s ministry) for some time now.  One of the many aspects of this ministry is working on staying in integrity as men.  Another concept we quote often is this idea of “you spot it, you got it.”  Essentially, this means many situations in life that throw us into some sort of judgmental state touch us at a core level because, we act that way ourselves, or we have been hurt by that action somewhere in our lives.  An example would be that I hate being lied to.  It brings up strong feelings of anger toward the person doing the lying.  The reason:  I grew up lying on a regular basis.  Basically, my anger towards the situation is really something I hate about myself.  Now, I have a right to be angry about being lied to, but the strong anger and reaction is really more about me than the person lying.  I have this ability to sense when someone is lying because I have vast experience in the field of lying.  I can spot because I’ve got it.  This concept has brought a better understanding of the Matthew 7:3-5 passage about the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and the plank in your own eye.  My lying past is my plank in my eye.  Recognizing this lying past allows me to help others with their lying present.  What keeps me from being judgmental about their lying is my admission to them about my past.  Hence, the “first take care of the plank in your own eye…” 

So, what has this got to do with integrity?  Let’s go back to the story of the student and his manipulation of his teacher.  As I am working with him, I point out that I too dislike being called back into integrity.  I used examples of how I have treated my mother, my wife, and my children when I am out of integrity.  Furthermore, a passage came to mind while I was working with this student (it is amazing how and when God reveals things to your heart and you have an “aha” moment).  In Genesis 3 we see the story of Adam and Eve and their fall from the perfect world God has created.  The part that stands out is this:

v. 6 “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it, she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.”

He was there the whole time and did nothing!  Now, I have studied and used this passage many times in the context of men and their tendency toward passivity.  But this situation with the student took me even deeper in this story (verses 11-12):

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked?  Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”  The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

Adam, not wanting to be called back into integrity, did not own what he had done.  Instead, he blamed Eve.  He transferred his fault onto her!  Men have been doing this since the beginning!  Now, an easy tendency here is to blame it on Adam.  Does that not just continue the cycle?  I must own my veering off the path of integrity when I am called on it.  Even if it hurts my pride or sends me into the story I tell myself, “I’m worthless and don’t have what it takes to be a real man.”   

Now, going back to “you spot it, you got it.”  In helping that student with his issue, I essentially was able to help myself in some fashion.  I have noticed over the past year, the more I own of what I do, the less of a grip the devil has on me.  His stronghold is being broken and that particular sin masters me less.  I still have struggles in that area because the old pattern is hard to break.  However, I do recognize it faster and come to own it more and more.  Thank God for his revelation to me and softening my heart to recognize my sin…even if it is painful at the time.  But, so is surgery.  Hopefully, God’s surgery is all I need.  I would hate to experience His chemotherapy.  EEK!

Let me know what you think.  Please make comments, they help with my growth.

God Bless

    

Loving yourself

In Matthew 22:39 Jesus says to “love your neighbor as yourself”.


I often wonder … “why do I have such a problem loving my neighbor?” I mean, I do love my family and those I associate with. However, there are times when I cannot stand to be around them, or I do not have a loving attitude toward them. I believe it is because of what the verse says: “love your neighbor as yourself”. I do not love myself very much. How can I love others when I do not love myself?

Why do we have such a problem loving ourselves? I notice that I do not receive compliments very well. When someone is giving me a compliment, I cannot look them in the eye. I am embarrassed and I do not believe them. I beat myself up for the sinfulness in my life. I visit a friend and I am parched, but when he asks if I want something to drink, I refuse. Even though I do not accept compliments, etc. well, I crave them.

I believe that Satan has twisted and perverted scripture to convince us that we are not worthy of being loved. We are reminded to get rid of “selfish ambition” (Gal. 5:20). We are to clothe ourselves with “humility” (Col. 3:12). We are told not to “think of yourself more highly than you ought” (Rom. 12:3). “Evildoers are full of boasting” (Ps. 94:4). In 2 Timothy 3:2, Paul talks about the evil being lovers of themselves and boastful. These scriptures echo in my mind as I think about loving myself. It becomes counterintuitive to love myself according to the above passages. I believe Satan has twisted these and played these in my mind when I am actually feeling good about myself in the Lord.

In this broken world, many times there are those around me who have said hurtful things to me and about me. Some true, some not, some out of their own pain, and some in the heat of the moment. In most cases, those who have hurt me had remorse and/or have asked forgiveness. However, the message from that hurt continues to play in my mind long after the initial hurt. I use those messages to beat myself up and tell myself that I am not worthy of love.

But the passage “love your neighbor as yourself” keeps coming back to me over and over. So how do I love myself without boastfulness or selfish ambition? Why is this so hard? I believe I tend to hide the things I do not like about myself for fear I will not be loved. I have found in recent times that talking about those hidden things with others has actually freed me to be loved more. However, it is still hard to release those things out of fear.

Of course, there are the obvious answers like: I know that God created me and loves me; listing my blessings; my family loves me unconditionally; etc. But getting those from knowledge to feeling is so difficult.

I would love to hear feedback from you. What are your thoughts? What strategies have you used?  Let's get a discussion going.