In Matthew 22:39 Jesus says to “love your neighbor as yourself”.
I often wonder … “why do I have such a problem loving my neighbor?” I mean, I do love my family and those I associate with. However, there are times when I cannot stand to be around them, or I do not have a loving attitude toward them. I believe it is because of what the verse says: “love your neighbor as yourself”. I do not love myself very much. How can I love others when I do not love myself?
Why do we have such a problem loving ourselves? I notice that I do not receive compliments very well. When someone is giving me a compliment, I cannot look them in the eye. I am embarrassed and I do not believe them. I beat myself up for the sinfulness in my life. I visit a friend and I am parched, but when he asks if I want something to drink, I refuse. Even though I do not accept compliments, etc. well, I crave them.
I believe that Satan has twisted and perverted scripture to convince us that we are not worthy of being loved. We are reminded to get rid of “selfish ambition” (Gal. 5:20). We are to clothe ourselves with “humility” (Col. 3:12). We are told not to “think of yourself more highly than you ought” (Rom. 12:3). “Evildoers are full of boasting” (Ps. 94:4). In 2 Timothy 3:2, Paul talks about the evil being lovers of themselves and boastful. These scriptures echo in my mind as I think about loving myself. It becomes counterintuitive to love myself according to the above passages. I believe Satan has twisted these and played these in my mind when I am actually feeling good about myself in the Lord.
In this broken world, many times there are those around me who have said hurtful things to me and about me. Some true, some not, some out of their own pain, and some in the heat of the moment. In most cases, those who have hurt me had remorse and/or have asked forgiveness. However, the message from that hurt continues to play in my mind long after the initial hurt. I use those messages to beat myself up and tell myself that I am not worthy of love.
But the passage “love your neighbor as yourself” keeps coming back to me over and over. So how do I love myself without boastfulness or selfish ambition? Why is this so hard? I believe I tend to hide the things I do not like about myself for fear I will not be loved. I have found in recent times that talking about those hidden things with others has actually freed me to be loved more. However, it is still hard to release those things out of fear.
Of course, there are the obvious answers like: I know that God created me and loves me; listing my blessings; my family loves me unconditionally; etc. But getting those from knowledge to feeling is so difficult.
I would love to hear feedback from you. What are your thoughts? What strategies have you used? Let's get a discussion going.
This is a good one! We are way more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves.We give others more room to "have a bad day", in every aspect of that term, but don't really cut ourselves much slack. We are our worst critcs. But to love ourselves, we must really get down to the basics of who we are, who created us and for what purpose.
ReplyDeleteI used to really struggle with loving myself. Particularly, my body. (yeah,I know! Most women do!) Then, someone convinced me that I should love myself for the simple fact that God created me as His vessel. I should try to keep my self loathing to a minimum, since my body belongs to God. He has only loaned it to me for a short time, to accomplish His plan for me.He is using me to impact the world. To criticize myself is to criticize God.
Since having a child, I have feel like I have more of an idea of what it means to be a child of God. To be blessed with a child, shows me that God loves and trusts me to raise a child in His ways and according to His plan.
I have also learned of the faithfulness of His love. Having three miscarriages took me to a very low place of self hatred, guilt, and self doubt. I felt so broken. I honestly wanted to die, but God is Faithful. The Grace that God bestowed on me, everyday, is what drug me out of bed everyday. I saw God in Gracie's smiling face every morning. He is faithful! I couldn't have survived that pain on my own. The mere fact that I survived, showed me how faithful God is.
If God thinks I am worthy of His trust, love, and faithfulness; then I'll take it! I will take it and use it all to give him the Glory. All the rest ( self loathing, doubt, and hatred) it just gets in the way of what God wants from me and for me.
Some of the times I'm hardest on the people I love, especially my kids, is when they remind me of things about myself that I don't like, haven't accepted, etc. I don't go so far as having excessive pride in myself; I'm too upset about the part of me I don't like being exposed.
ReplyDeleteI'm making progress here, with the iron-sharpening-iron support of my men's group. Without them, I'd be making a *royal* mess of fatherhood, my marriage, etc. I'm blessed by God to have a "Band of Brothers" with me on my journey, reminding me of God's grace when I can't remember it myself.